Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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