I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
