if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
