so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
