i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
