We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
