I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
