this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
