It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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