dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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