I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
