so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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