This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
