Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then