i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
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people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?