Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
