you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she peed on how many people?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
