I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
