Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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