You made me cry and you don't even care
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
