Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sponge bath it is.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
