I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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