my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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