chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
