the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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