its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
