It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
