Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My vagina just recognized that song.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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