I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
