But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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