he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
