Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
3pm strippers are depressing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
