Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
