Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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