i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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