My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
