I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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