I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize