Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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