this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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