I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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