apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
