First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
a search helicopter?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
