I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
