So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
