I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
