All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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