it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
