I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
