there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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