Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
