I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
