dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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