2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
