I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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