I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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