Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
