you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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