Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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