Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i'm inner monologue high
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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