Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
