he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
