Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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