fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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