I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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