get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
