The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
