i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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