Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
