You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
