She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
